Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
