He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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