so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
