i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
