If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
