He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
two words...techno handjob
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
