How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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