When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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