I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
