oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Congratulations! We have a period
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
