Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
