Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
