girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
