Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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