why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
