I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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