You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
