Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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