My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
