Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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