He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
