I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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