she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize