What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
