You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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