Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
