drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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