I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
