he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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