I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
