i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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