My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
where are my eyebrows?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
