Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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