My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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