if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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