Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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