you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
