I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize