haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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