I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
