I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
