i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize