Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
