And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
