So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
