he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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