Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize