I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
