If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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