I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want a musical about memes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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