It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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