I just saw a hot homeless man
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
