piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
