You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
