the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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