So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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