that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
