Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize