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i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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