I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Michael Bay diarrhea
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
