I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
