no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
