hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
