I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
