We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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