I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize