I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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