does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
