My room smells like vodka and shame
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize