After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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