I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
