My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
