If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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