I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
