i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
