even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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