Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
