fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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