You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
