Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
