Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
