I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize