so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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