I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
