More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
