Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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