I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
