I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
only if we run a train.
done.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
