forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
