You just made me feel so damn special
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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