Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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