i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
