I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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