Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We left an ass print on the piano.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
