I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize