Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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