Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
false alarm, still single
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
