the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize